Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Untitled Soviet romcom project
Sex and the City is the most popular television series to
date among women age 15-48. It
practically created the Romantic Dramedy genre.
It ran 94 episodes over 6 seasons, even though each episode addressed
essentially one question: Is the female lead
a skank or not? And the answer was
inevitably: Whatever works for the next
episode.
Why was
this simple formula such a winner? Because
the question “Is she a skank or not?” has been the central question surrounding
femininity for, like, millions of years.
It’s on everyone’s mind. And with
SATC, the hook’s right there in the title.
Is the lead going to have sex with the entire city? Is she the ultimate
skank? That’s what viewers want to
know. But what viewers also want to know
is, did women throughout history strive to be the ultimate skank as well?
I’m
taking you to a place far away, a place north of China, south of Santa, but
close to your heart. Are you there? It’s Russia.
Soviet Russia (we also went back in time). It’s Sex and Soviet Russia, but that’s a
terrible idea for a title.
Which city? No problem.
Let’s see. Berlin. Lots of skanking going on there. Oh, sorry, I’ll stop saying that. No Berlin, no problem, I got tons of
others. Vladisvostok. Moscow. Helskankski.
Get it? Oh right, sorry. Wait, what’s that one place? Where they mutated babies or something? Chernobyl!
That’s our city. Oh, it’s not a
city? Well, Ivana works at Chernobyl, she
keeps a diary, and she’s hot for her boss, and so’s he, and poof! Love.
Also nuclear disaster. So better as a feature than a series.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Dark Shadows: Tim Burton's new direction
Dark Shadows (2012) uses the premise that vampires cast a
shadow that is somehow bright. This is explained
in the opening titles, and is really the only consistent feature of the 79-minute
experimental narrative. Johnny Depp stars
in the role of lately-risen Hobnail, a vampire who walks around an empty mansion
and is occasionally frightened by his incandescent shadow.
The stark lack of plot, characters,
continuity, and genre can perhaps be explained by the unorthodox approach to production
director Tim Burton took. Depp’s scenes
were all shot on greenscreen over a nonstop seven-day period with Depp, Burton,
and two crew members locked in a small studio.
“There was no script,” Depp said in an interview, “Tim had a notebook with
four or five drawings in it. I thought
they were his kids’ drawings or something, but then he told me he doesn’t have kids. It turned out that those were his movie idea.”
Burton explained that he wanted
Depp’s improvisations to shape the film.
“I wanted Johnny to become the role,” Burton told Variety. “I think where he
was by the end of that shoot was really, it really shows.”
In the film’s penultimate scene,
Hobnail watches something off camera move back and forth and muses that he has
lost all his ideas, he’s gone to the same well so many times that the water,
once limpid, is now muddied, and he has long since sucked dry the arteries of
his muse. Depp abruptly breaks character
and says, “Do you know who that is, Tim?”
The movie then ends with Hobnail walking in place down a long corridor,
his bright shadow eventually washing out the entire screen.
Darker Shadows
What Dark Shadows Should Be About
I don’t have all day because I’m a busy executive, but I’ve
heard your pitch, I’ve seen the poster art, and I already know what direction
you need to go with this project.
I’m looking at the poster and I see JDepp in sunglasses and
white makeup. Great. This vampire thing is really hot right now,
and it’s still super fresh. I want JDepp
to be a vampire leader, but he’s a vampire leader with a secret: he can’t stand
the sight of blood. He knows if the other
vampires found out about his phobia they’d totally outcast him, so he’s always
trying to turn the lights down low when he’s gonna blood suck, ‘cause if he
sees the blood: BAM, he faints (or pukes: see which tests better).
There’s this girl he really likes who’s also a vampire, but
get this: she’s afraid of the dark! So
we get all these great scenes where they’re gonna suck someone’s blood and JDepp
is trying to turn the lights down, and the girl is trying to turn the lights
up, and they’re both all nervous, and the victim is finally like, “Are you guys
gonna suck my freakin’ blood or WHAT!?”
[talk to TBurt about laugh track].
JDepp definitely needs a sidekick: I’m picturing a wisecracking
bat with dreadlocks or maybe he's gay...that only Jdepp can see (?) [talk to Chris Rock about voicing bat: I *love*
when he goes, “Maaaaaaan,” so we should def. have the bat do that…a lot…that’s
his catchphrase!]
Love it, though: gonna be super funny. Even the title is funny! Of course they’re dark! They’re freakin’ shadows!
Dark's Shadows
John Depp stars in Tim Burton's latest gloom-comedy Dark's Shadows as the lovable but confounding character of Peter Dark, a vampire that is transported from Renaissance times to a 1970s American fun-scape through a series of amazing accidents. The Bramfield family (Hellen Bonham Carter and other actors) must adjust to sharing their home with the quirky Dark, whose proclivities toward mischief, drugs, and indiscriminate sex leads the family to examine, and eventually fall prey to, their own demons. Dark, presumably immortal (sans the vampire hunters of his times), blithely flaunts his devil-may-care attitude while unknowingly destroying the Bramfield family around him. The near suicide of the family dog, Edward Poochyhands, brings the family and Dark to their senses as they rally around the recovering mutt. All appears well until deranged demon hunter Darek Darko (Jeff Daniels) locates Dark and attempts to infiltrate the Bramfield house to blow him up with dynamite. The pro-Dark Bramfields thwart Darko through a series of homemade traps and he is killed and eaten by Dark (SPOLIER). As Dark eats the demon hunter at the end, the family belts "Blood is Sweeter than Water", written by Grammy nominated rapper/entertainer Pitbull. 3.5/4 stars
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